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Friends Only

This journal is friends only. Be sure to comment to this post if you friend me so you can request to be put on the filters that you want to read. You can also post here to request to be taken off filters at any time.

Available Filters

  • Body: General life stuff, mundania, physical health, roleplaying... anything physical/mundane not covered by other filters.
  • Hands: Formerly rambles regarding my previous job as a mental health worker at a residential treatment center. Now will be used for talking about grad school and working through some of the lingering issues from working in that high-stress environment for 2.5 years.
  • Mind: Introspection, a bit of self-work, psychology, and the occasional recording of dreams.
  • Heart: Entries regarding relationships. I am polyamorous and pansexual, which comes up a lot in relationship discussions. Some sexuality ponderings might show up here too on occasion.
  • Spirit: Religion and spirituality. I'm Kemetic (Egyptian reconstructionist of a sort), so that shows up here. So do writings on identifying as hawk. And some general spiritual stuff that doesn't quite fit into "Kemetic" or "therianthropy/otherkin". There'll also be mention of energy work and probably a few entries that some might classify as "weirdshit".
  • Offline: Everyone I've met in person is automatically on this filter.
  • Golden Dawn: Talking about ceremonial magic as I work my way through Golden Dawn curriculum at a local temple. I won't be discussing anything oathbound, but there's a lot that isn't oathbound.
  • HoN Only: If you're Kemetic Orthodox, as in a member of the House of Netjer, you're automatically on this filter.

That's it. Comment with the list of filters you want to be on. Additionally, if you're not already friended, then please tell me who you are, why you want to be added, and how you found me.

aka Meirya (Meir), Djeriwepwawet (Djeri), Snowspine (Snowy)



Listen close, my dear
and I will sing you a map of the world:
of living, of dreaming and dying,
with Here Be Dragons in bits of sea
and blank places about the edges
for you to fill in yourself.

Here are the tales of old:
Heracles and the Nemean lion,
Cúchulainn and the Morrigan,
Freya and her necklace,
Raven and the sun,
Amaterasu hiding in a cave -

Not real?
of course they’re real, child,
as real as you and me
as real as yesterday
as real as glass, or time, or wind.

I’m telling you a map of the world,
and it’s not a thing of ink and parchment
(though I could draw it there
in words and wonder, if you like,
but it would take a thousand libraries
to tell it all)
nor a thing of equations and formulas
but rather a thing of stories
legends, myths. . .
true things.

There are new stories, too,
bits of this map redrawn and retold;
and sometimes, very rarely,
in treasured corners, added anew.
You’ll find them in books newly published,
and in amateur scribbles on the internet,
and drawn in comics,
and written on restaurant napkins:
these are modern myths,
news or fantasy or memoir,
all valuable lines on the map of the world -

yes, even the shallow novels
with lurid garish colors that we call
tripe and fluff, and scorn as fodder
for lazy minds and dim spirits,
because even trash romances
are lipstick-smeared maps of someone’s desires,
someone’s secret shadows.

Scorn no tale,
even if it seems shallow,
even if it is hard to hear,
even if it disgusts you,
even if it enrages you.

(Especially then.)

People will say that we tell stories for survival
because it binds a community together
passes along information

little red riding hood
nearly eaten by a wolf
and so: don’t talk to strangers in the wood.

Or earlier:
stories around a fire
tribal tales
mythologizing the hunt
told for generations
so that all remember
how best to procure meat

Stories for survival
Evolutionary need
and that is why we have legends
and need to retell them.

All of these things are true -
their tale of the origin of stories
is just as real
as the ones I speak of now.

Our lives are composed of myth
sung in the stories we share
the dramas we make of the little things of each day.
I can tell you my story,
and this map I’m drawing is part of that.
You can tell me your story, then,
and we will see where our maps join,
how they overlap,
maybe fill in some of the gaps

(but leave the dragons alone
they’re real, and true;
let’s not draw over them)

and then find other tales
map a little of the alien shore of another mind
for nothing is as infinite
as the landscape
of the heart.


Removed about half my LJ friends list.

It's nothing personal.

I just can't, right now; I don't have the energy to try to connect on that scale.

Maybe when I come out of hibernation, I'll add some people back. But right now, I'm just seriously downsizing for my sanity.

I wish you all well.


Buy Art, Help a Kitty

Look at this feline:

Is she not one of the prettiest kittens you have ever seen?

She is Maybe, a kitty-princess. She stalks and pounces her adoptive brother, a big orange tabby named Moet. She is slowly learning tricks - cats can be trained! She climbs the fridge to knock down magnets. She investigates everything and is the most curious of cats. And she is exceptionally photogenic.

But Maybe is in trouble. She's eaten bits of a necklace and her stomach can't handle it, and it's become impacted. Her human, moonvoice, caught the problem early, so she stands a good chance of survival, but the necessary surgery is going to drain moonvoice's savings.

You can help!

moonvoice is also an amazing artist, and a shaman, and she does incredible artwork around totems. And she has art for sale. Originals. I have one, and it is shiny - no, literally, it has metallic ink accents and iridescence and it is awesome. A list of original art for sale is here, ranging in price from as low as $50 for smaller pictures of totems to as much as $450 for large, very intricate and powerful pieces.

You can also find pieces on her etsy account.

Psst, Kemetics - her depiction of Set as the Set animal is still for sale! has been bought by Taqaisenu, yay!

And now, beneath the cut, more adorable cat pictures!Collapse )



A couple people on my FList have been doing some spring cleaning, and it occurred to me that it's been a while since I pared down my FList.

If you've been cut, it's nothing personal; it just means we've grown rather distant, or I don't remember who you are (and thus why do I have you friended, anyway?), or I don't read what you write anymore because of diverging interests, or you never post anymore.

I cut down on a lot of communities, too.


Massive Friends List Cut

My FList was getting too large and clunky for my liking. I've been just adding back anyone who adds me (especially the deluge of HoN folk) and it's been getting to be too much for me to read.

If you've been cut, it's nothing personal. It was probably for one of the following reasons:

  • You never post anymore, so I figured your LJ is inactive.
  • I don't even recognize your username or can't think of who your username is attached to, which probably means I don't absorb your posts very well or don't read much of what you write.
  • We've fallen way out of touch and don't have much in common anymore, such as with some of the Ohio LARPers that I only added because our characters were in the same coterie.
  • I don't find your posts terribly interesting and don't have an emotional attachment to you. Some people I've added only because I thought they might be interesting to read, and if they've proven not to be, I've taken them off; I have no reason to keep them on my FList if I don't read them and don't have a need to keep in touch with them.

If you still want back on, comment here and refresh my memory as to who you are. No promises that I'll add you back though. Reading through my FList takes far too long when I've missed a couple days and I want to keep it pruned.


First, a note: I am terribly annoyed at the moment. I opened Eudora (which I don't use anymore after switching to Gmail) to get at my old emails, the correspondences I'd saved with former members of the House of Netjer and such. I wanted to look at them again to refresh my memory so I could discuss the presented issues. And... oh look! They're not there. My harddrive died a month or three ago, and I apparently hadn't managed to back up that particular folder of old messages.

So we're going to skip that part for now (I'll examine what I can of it later) and move on to cult evaluation schemas. One deep concern of mine when I first started looking at Kemetic Orthodoxy was that it sounded a little like a cult, mostly because of the whole Nisut thing. This is a common reaction to any hierarchal religion younger than a hundred years or so, and I was doubly cautious because I didn't want to be caught up in anything unhealthy.

One of the more commonly cited cult evaluation schemas seems to be the Advanced Bonewits' Cult Danger Evaluation Frame. I think after observing and researching Kemetic Orthodoxy for a couple years, I have enough information to run it through Bonewits' evaluation.

Let"s put the House of Netjer to the test, shall we?Collapse )

I might run this through a few more cult evaluation schemas, but I think this one is thorough enough for now.


When watching and researching Kemetic Orthodoxy, trying to figure out if it was right for me and if it was legit and, well, not a harmful cult, I did a lot of reading. I talked to a lot of people. Every time I ran across someone who had left the House of Netjer, I asked them questions ("What made you decide to leave?" was the primary one) and listened to their feelings and thoughts on KO.

I found a few different reasons. One common (and rather more quiet) one was deciding Kemet itself wasn't a good fit; people went Hellenic or Celtic or such instead. This had nothing to do with KO and more to do with personal paths. I found a few people who felt KO wasn't reconstructionist enough and wanted a more exact, historical-reenactment sort of Kemetic reconstruction. (KO is not quite a reconstructionist religion.) A couple people left in part due to drama among laiety or conflicts with other members; there was no real way to avoid those people/conflict with those people in the House itself (which isn't quite large enough for such), so they figured it would be better for all involved if they just left.

One individual, sannion (Senneferibhethert at the HoN), wrote a long and eloquent piece on the House of Netjer - particularly the Ritual of Parent Divination, but also a bit about his experience on the house. He is someone I have a deep amount of respect for, so it was a bit of a relief to see that his opinion of the House is not negative. I recommend the entry to anyone interested in Kemetic Orthodoxy, and I also recommend reading the comments others have left on this entry. It's very informative from all sides of the subject. Some of the comments may be unpleasant to read for devoted Remetj and Shemsu, but there are many good points made. I'll get to those in detail in the next post.

Another reason, though not common: According to Hemet (and I never met these people, so I can't speak for this), roughly five or six people left out of dissatisfaction with their RPD, and were supposedly all children of the same Name (she wouldn't say who).

Those are the somewhat benign reasons. Now we come to the more difficult ones, the ones I had to pay close and critical attention to, and consider carefully.

First, the issue of a Nisut. A lot of people think "spiritual leader", "king", "chosen by the gods to lead a people", and red flags of "cult" go off like mad. It certainly did for me. There were a number of people who couldn't get past the idea of Tamara Siuda being the Nisut/Pharoah, and either left as a result, or remained Remetj. I will explore this more thoroughly in a later post as well, because it still remains an uncomfortable point for me, though less so than it used to be.

Secondly, deep and (from everything I could tell) very real pain. I found a couple former members who felt hurt by the House and/or its clergy, displayed many symptoms of people recovering from an abusive cult, and spoke only hesitantly and from a place of woundedness. I opened a private dialogue with some of them through email, explaining my position and desire for information/viewpoints from all sides. I will not be sharing the names or explicit information of these dialogues, as they are confidential, but I will be going over them in a future post in a general, anonymous manner.

Beyond individual stories, I also have a few other sources. One was a very badly designed, though decently written and very, very long negative overview of the House by a Hellenic group. Overviewing that will probably take up its own LJ entry.

Another is a neutral-to-positive overview of the House of Netjer written by a research group. It's also rather long and will also probably take up its own LJ entry.

I also did a lot of lurking and occasional posting on the forums of the House of Netjer, KemetOnline (Per Ankh's forums), The eCauldron's Kemetic forums, and various places around LiveJournal.

A spiritual journey in review.

Early November 2004. I went to my first pagan ritual - a public Samhain ritual run by the local ADF grove. I was impressed and intrigued, and started to identify hesitantly as vaguely Christian and vaguely Pagan at the same time.

2004-2005 beneath the cut.Collapse )

November 2005 again. Still narrowing down the deity list. I looked at Anpu finally and everything fell together, everything clicked so hard I was in tears.

November 17, 2005. I took vows to Anpu. Fairly serious vows at that.

The entire next year consisted of more lurking on various forums and doing a lot of quiet research on Kemetic Orthodoxy, Per Ankh, and a few other Kemetic groups. It also consisted of a lot of getting to know Anpu - and slowly I began to think of Him more as Wepwawet, and experience that side of him rather more predominately.

Finally, in October 2006, I put in my application to the House of Netjer's beginner's course. I discovered that taking the course didn't commit me to anything; it was informational more than anything, and I did want more information on the House than I was getting from half-lurking on the boards and in the AIM chat. The course began in I think November (maybe December? I'm fuzzy on the dates; I actually didn't journal about it until my first formal senut on 12/10/06).

I'm not sure when it ended, either. I became a Remetj in either January or February, but I told myself that I wouldn't decide whether to become Shemsu or not for at least another year - and not until I'd met the Nisut and some of the priests in person, so I could judge Hemet's veracity for myself. Serendipitously enough, the first Ritual of Parent Divination intensive became available, just in time for my class to get Divined! I jumped at the chance and booked a flight for Chicago.

I spent nearly a week in Tawy House at the end of February/beginning of March, doing work study to pay for my RPD (and, more importantly, to get more time talking to Hemet and some of the priests in person). I met my "twin", the_magpie. I met a number of fascinating people and was impressed by everything I saw and the answers to many of my questions and concerns.

Then, a year ago today, I was divined a child of Wepwawet-Yinepu and a beloved of Bast-Mut.

Not much of a surprise, looking back now, is it? But I held to my promise and have waited a year, watching and observing, thinking and listening. I've been a Divined Remetj for a year now, and soon I'll decide whether or not to take Shemsu vows.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I'm going to be doing a thorough analysis and evaluation of the House of Netjer. Complete with sources, even. At the end of it, I'll make an official decision. So expect to see a few posts about Kemetic Orthodoxy this month.

Filters Review! ATTN ALL.

I rearranged some of my filters... deleted some, combined a few, and made a new one. With all this shuffling around, people may have been incorrectly added or dropped. So PLEASE, even if you've been here for ages, put in a filter request so I can make sure I have you on the stuff you want to be on and not on the stuff you don't want!

  • Dreams: My dream log.
  • Gaming: Super Sekrit Character Stuff from LARPs. No Vega House gamers allowed.
  • General: Everything that doesn't fit under the other filters. Life, school, memes, faire,etc.
  • House of Netjer: HoN members only.
  • Moving: Temporary filter for organizing and chronicling the move from northeast Ohio to Denver, Colorado.
  • Multiplicity/Headspace: Multiplicity, mostly my interaction with multiples (i.e.: my fiancé's system, to name one of several); experimentation with dissociation, aspecting, and my own headspace; exploration of the idea of daemons.
  • Offline: If I've met you offline, you're probably on this filter.
  • Pagan: Religion, deities, spirits, energy work, metaphysics, etc.
  • Past Lives: Writing about what may be past-life memories. At the very least, the memories/stories/whatever here are part of my personal mythology.
  • Sexuality/Relationships: What the title says. Explicit sexual stuff will be under a cut.
  • Therianthropy/Otherkin: I merged the Therian and Otherkin filters.
  • Wangst: Angsty sludge that I don't want people to have to read if they don't want to.
  • Weirdshit: Craaaaaazy thiiiiings.


Filtery Goodness!

Yep, it's my periodic "Have you chosen your filters today?" post.

I was arranging my filters, adding some people to some of my filters, and thought I should probably post another "here are my filters, pick which ones you want to be on" post. Have you not seen many posts from me lately, or at all since you added me? Maaaybe you didn't ask to be put on any filters. The post is big and large and obvious and right at the very top of my LJ, so it's hard to miss, but I've had a lot of people add me and not comment on the filter post.

So! Here's a reposting of it. Let me know which filters you'd like to be on. And if you've been seeing too many posts from me for your liking, or have been getting stuff that you really would rather not read (Dreams, or Sexuality/Relationship stuff, for instance), then I might've added you to something, thinking that you'd be interested in it or be okay with reading it; if I was mistaken, or if you asked to be on a filter that you're finding you'd rather not be on, then say something.

Ask to be taken off some filters or added to other filters and I'll be glad to accommodate.

Available filters are beneath the cut.Collapse )


Oh my gods. o_o

This artist is incredible. Seanan McGuire. Her song, "Earthquake Weather", is playing on Filk.com, and I fell in love with the song and voice and style, so I looked up the artist.

So tempted to buy her CDs. Wow.

And the raven of keys in the dreaming trees
She never shares the things she sees --
She's had her fill of destinies,
And that's why she flew away, oh,

Here in this wood where stories twine
Meet and part and recombine
Guard your eggshell heart, for the moon tells lies.
Follow the white hare like you're on a tether,
For this is bitter earthquake weather,
And never trust the tenor of the skies.


Little bitty friends-cut...

Cut some people from my FList for one or more of the following possible reasons:
  1. I couldn't figure out who the hell you are - and if I don't recognize your screenname by now, I maybe don't know you hardly at all and aren't terribly interested in what you have to say. Some of this might be people who I actually do know and have just forgotten who they are; if you feel that's you, comment here with who the hell you are. ;)
  2. I never read your stuff, or it doesn't interest me, or I always just skim past it.
  3. We don't really talk, and take only a vague interest in each other, and are just cluttering up each others' FLists.

If you got cut and want back on, just comment and let me know who you are. Likely it had more to do with me not knowing who you are or why I had you friended than anything else. Remind me if you think that's the case.


Biphobia and Bisexual Erasure

(Making it a public entry 'cos wireandroses said so.)

Here's the paper I wrote for my "Understanding Sexual Orientation" final. Had to be 12-15 pages, APA format, and on any topic relating to GLBT issues. I wrote about bisexuality and bisexual erasure.

It"s long and kinda hastily thrown together, so excuse the crappy writing and the slight rant at the end...Collapse )

Hey you!

If you haven't seen a post from me in the past week, it's possible I don't realize you've friended me, and it's also possible you haven't asked to be on any of my filters so I don't have you on any.

Do you know what this means? It means you should go to this post. Introduce yourself if you haven't yet. Request filters you're interested in. If you don't, I have no idea that you exist!

Also, there's a new filter - a Gaming/RPing filter. Comment here if you want on it. People who RP with me offline may not be allowed on because I want to talk about private character stuff that hasn't yet come into play, especially the stuff in the Vampire LARP where I need to be careful with speaking about IC secrets OOC... and the Mage LARP storyteller/plot stuff.

~Dani / Meirya / Makhsihed / Snowspine / whatever-alias-you-know-me-as